New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I had to cum in my sink.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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