If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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