You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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