What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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