foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
