Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
