What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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