My friends, they love my intelligence
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
