She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize