you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
try to milk me bitch
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
