glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
