Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize