Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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