I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
