I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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