Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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