So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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