He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
being pregnant is like rehab
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
