I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
