Your mouth is God's brothel.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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