He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
