Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize