Small penises have feelings too.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
