i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
