she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
