Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
