Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
