Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
And then he peed in my hair
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