Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
