i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
tequila makes me forget i have legs
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
