You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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