Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
