meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
ttyl tear gas
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
