She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
