First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I need water and some morals
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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