i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
