So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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