Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
