Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
