Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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