I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
