So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
