8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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