i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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