I hate your face
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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