well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
All the doctor said was why
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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