I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You were trust falling into bushes
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize