Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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