Soap is not a condiment
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
