so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
