I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
