party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
