Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
