So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
