I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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