tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize