So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
