im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
