1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
