masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
