Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize