found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
