Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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