His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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