We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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