Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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