That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
