ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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