I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
