I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
