Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I stole a fireplace last night.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
