i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
