I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize