does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
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