I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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