I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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