it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
