roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
