Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
