I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So squirting runs in the family.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
