i would punch a child for taco bell
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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