stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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