i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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