Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
