you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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