Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
