You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
sarcasm needs its own font
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I woke up under a house in Key West
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