why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
