billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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