JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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