Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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