Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
