I wish I could teleport
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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