idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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