Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
