Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
that's an acceptable place to lick
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
