I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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