You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize