I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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