ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
