ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
