I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
