he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
