I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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