Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
