Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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