Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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