dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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