with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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