In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
