I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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