Midget sex pt 2 tonight
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
