I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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