I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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