My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize