just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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