I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
