giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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