when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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