my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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