Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
