I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
