even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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