Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
