And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We are all done wearing pants today
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize