Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
