I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
