I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
