When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wish you could order shots online.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
